problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
