i think my tv is drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
