Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
