DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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