Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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