when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
