It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
