i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
