She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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