You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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