I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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