Christians are straight up FREAKS
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize