I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
