I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
