Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize