HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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