And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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