I'm so fucking centered right now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
