Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
