if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize