I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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