I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
