Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
