so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How does one acquire holy water?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
