I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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