Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The air taste purple.
Randomize
