LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
