My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
