Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
