dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
