ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Are we still banned from the library?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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