dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
