How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
