They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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