haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Randomize