are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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