I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
