im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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