There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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