He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
