she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
