This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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