You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
