My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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