Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
