Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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