i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
