I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
