Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
