Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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