Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
