If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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