She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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