Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
