this just has baby written all over it
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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