now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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