Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
