u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
