Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
