Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
