Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize