There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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