Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
