i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
