do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
