I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
