he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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