Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
