I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
